The Brooding Battle

Of all the personal items that were stolen from my house during the burglary last year, I’ve felt the loss of my camera most severely. A Nikon D5000 Digital SLR. Actually, let me correct that. The thief’s stealing of a silver bracelet that had great sentimental value for me (it was a gift my from my ex-boyfriend) was the most emotional loss. The police, by the way, never recovered it or any of my stuff. But the camera, which I loved, is something I miss even more than I thought I would. My other blog, The Salt Marsh, has suffered greatly because of this as it is highly dependent on nature photography. If I can’t take interesting pictures, I can’t post. So I’ve been a little bummed out about this, not to mention the other issues going on these days that never seem to improve no matter how much time passes; family strife, plus the financial strains of living in a pricey, impractical city. I could really use a vacation.

It seems like every year at this exact time – mid-spring with summer just around the corner – I get hit with impulses to make changes in my life and feel mildly tormented (is “mild” torment a thing? haha) about my future. I become consumed with contemplating the direction of my life, the interests I once wanted to pursue but never did, the relationships I wanted to preserve but was unable to, and the experiences I wanted to know but haven’t yet encountered. But surely, I still have time, don’t I? I refuse to think otherwise. And I refuse to fret 24 hrs a day when I am a living, healthy, fortunate individual who still, after 46 years, has options at her disposal.

Sketch of me by Fred Hatt created at Figureworks:

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I am keenly aware that I’m not alone in having these thoughts. Some of my friends are in the same boat and we commiserate often about our frustrations. I suspect it’s natural for those of us in the “mid-life” stage to reflect and reconsider our choices throughout the years, and be eternally grateful for some while regretting others. What can you do? This is life. It’s an old story.

If I sound like I’m being cagey, or withholding “news” of some kind, well that’s somewhat true. While there is no actual “news” I am trying to make it happen. But I don’t want to jinx it. And if it doesn’t happen then I’ll simply try again, and will certainly share any new developments here on Museworthy.

I apologize for the less-than-cheerful blog post! Just needed to vent a little. I’ll try to compensate for the kvetching with some pretty pictures of my early garden plantings and blooming flowers around my house. And if it’s true that the “little things” in life can lift one’s spirits, I”ll tell you that one of these guys is visiting my bird feeder almost every day and it’s pretty awesome. Cheers friends! I’ll see you soon 🙂

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16 thoughts on “The Brooding Battle

  1. so sorry to hear you got burgled ! I had about the same experience so I know how it feels ! love your drawing of the nude model !

    • artmodel says:

      gwennie,

      Yes, home burglaries are just awful. So many people have been victimized by them. And the drawing is not mine but by my friend Fred. I’m the nude model 🙂

      Thanks for commenting!

      Claudia

  2. Ray says:

    You can get a good used camera on line. E bay ,Craigslist ect. or a camera shop.

    • artmodel says:

      Ray,

      I would never buy a used a camera on Craigslist because a lot of that stuff for sale is stolen property. For all I know my camera – and my jewelry, my laptop, etc that were taken in the burglary – were sold on Craigslist or eBay in the following weeks. I would only buy a used camera from a friend or someone I know.

      Claudia

  3. Bill says:

    And the snow is gone, the Mets are only a game out of first place, and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTsx-wLq2vY

  4. scultore says:

    Change can be good, its unavoidable anyways, sometimes it just needs a nudge in the right directions, its worked for me, not exactly as expected, but its moving along

    • artmodel says:

      Bruce,

      Your change was a biggie! I’m so glad it’s working out for you, even if not exactly as you predicted.

      Thanks for your comments!

      Claudia

  5. Dave says:

    Claudia,

    Boy, do I get what you’re saying. Five years ago, when I was the same age you are now, I started wondering if I could ever break out of my super-analytical mindset and learn to do something creative. So I took a drawing class, the first artistic thing I had attempted since junior high. Now I both draw and model whenever I can, and I couldn’t be happier that I took the plunge. I hope you find at least as much fulfillment in whatever changes you are contemplating. I look forward to hearing about it!

    Dave

    • artmodel says:

      Dave,

      I love your story! Taking those “plunges” can be a little terrifying; posing nude for a room full of people is a prime example. I have never regretted my decision all those years ago to begin a career of art modeling. Now I’m drawn to reach out for other things, not to replace art modeling but to add to the mix. Feels like it’s time. I will definitely keep you posted!

      Thanks so much for sharing 🙂

      Claudia

  6. Lynn Kauppi says:

    Thoughts and prayers Claudia my friend. Lynn

  7. Rob says:

    Yea, when do we stop ever considering our trajectories? I’m well out of my 40’s and certainly made a bunch of decisions during that decade that pointed me in some way or another to the here and now. If I were you I’d evaluate your present interests and wishes without regretting how you are where you are (including the bills and stuff). Life seems to me like a series of folds in fabric or maybe even paper but I like the fabric analogy better….threads woven in a sequence, some hidden and others revealed, some in shadows, some which reflect moonlight/sunlight, all in a supported tension pulling to hold the integrity of the piece. Hope you are well!

    • artmodel says:

      Rob,

      Good description and good advice! Especially the part about evaluating my interests. It’s interesting because if we considered all the things we’d like to pursue, one lifetime doesn’t seem long enough. I once wanted to be a marine biologist! Not joking 🙂

      Thanks for your comments! Great to hear from you.

      Claudia

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