Homestead

Did I lock the deadbolt? I think I did. I’m pretty sure I did. It’s 1:00 AM but I should get out of bed and check it just to be sure. And while I’m up I might as well check all the windows one more time, even though I checked them before I went to bed. I pushed the levers as far as I could push them but I should push them again with all my strength. Better safe than sorry, right? And I might as well look out the window and check the street one more time and make sure there are no suspicious cars in the neighborhood. All rightfully belong: Stacy’s Passat, Mary’s Honda CRV, Mike’s truck, Tony’s jeep. OK. Back to bed. But wait … what about that ill-fitting basement window that doesn’t always close completely? Better check it. Out of bed again, down the stairs, into the corner next to to the water heater. Checked. Secure. Back upstairs to bed. Go to sleep. I have modeling in the morning. But what is that tapping sound? thump … thump … thump … those are the heat pipes, and I know that full well because I’ve lived with those noises for 15 years. It’s the steam, not a prowler. NOT A PROWLER. Chill, girl, chill. It’s the pipes and you know it. Don’t freak out.

This is my house. MY HOUSE goddammit. Not the burglar’s house. Not the police’s house. MY house. My home. I have to stop this compulsive behavior. It would be so nice to have a big strong man here with me, but I don’t ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

So this sucks, living this way in the wake of the burglary. My alarm system better arrive soon because I’m a ball of knots. I actually did a Google search for shotguns <–that’s how paranoid I’ve become. I’m an inch away from becoming a crazy lady in a bathrobe running out her front door yelling, “get off my property, punk, or you’ll be in a world of pain!”. And that’s so NOT who I am, good grief. But I will continue the mantra in my head: this is MY HOUSE. My sanctuary. My place of peace and privacy. I beg you, Queens burglars, leave me alone. You hit me once. No need to hit me again.

Moonlight Interiorย by Edward Hopper:

Hopper-moonlight-interior

I’m sorry, readers. I’m so sorry. I’m just unhappy and scared and lonely. I need a vacation … or just a day or two to feel carefree, or pampered, or, at this point, just a solid good night’s sleep.

I’ll be back in the next post in better spirits … I promise ๐Ÿ™‚

26 thoughts on “Homestead

  1. T.O. Fife says:

    “It would be so nice to have a big strong man here with me . . .” I’m not sure that would help much with what you are going through. I experienced the exact same crap you are going through when our home was burgled years ago. I even went so far as to screw the windows shut! Things will ease-up, but you do change. You will be become more cautious . . . to this day, I am compulsive about checking the locks on the door at night and when we leave the house. I must admit I was very angry for some time. I know what I am saying doesn’t give you much consolation, but things will get better with a little time. But then again, maybe you could use “a big strong man” to be there with you . . . I just just don’t think that would have helped in my case . . .

    • artmodel says:

      Todd,

      I need a big strong man here even if I wasn’t burglarized ๐Ÿ˜‰

      But seriously, I hear what you’re saying. Our fears and anxieties dwell in our minds, and it’s ultimately up to us to overcome them. I had four or five days there where I actually felt pretty good. Then this latest surge took a hold of me. I guess it will take more time than I thought.

      Thanks for your comments. And they are consoling.

      Claudia

  2. Grier Horner says:

    The biggest thing the burglar stole was your peace of mind, your sense of being safe in your own home. Hope the alarm helps when you get it.

    • artmodel says:

      Grier,

      Good news: the alarm arrived! I’m sure it will help restore my stolen peace of mind. Now if I can just install the thing without screwing it up ๐Ÿ˜†

      Thanks for your comments.

      Claudia

  3. patricknicholas says:

    my granny kept geese and never had burglars,
    but I suppose that’s not really an option

  4. Diane Elizabeth Wilson says:

    It is the goddess of the hearth and home who is crying out through you, Claudia. (or a similar natural nurturing of the home that lives inside a woman) As a model you often channel a spiritual part of yourself in your poses which may have been in captivity. Let Hera out– let her express the sadness and rage of this violation. Maybe the act of recreating it in your pose will set you free.

    Elizabeth

    • artmodel says:

      Elizabeth,

      Thank you so much for these comments. Yes, it IS the spirit of hearth and home that has been disturbed and agitated. Also, I am a Cancer, and we are very connected to the home and the security it brings. You’ve given me a purposeful calling for my next modeling assignment. I do have sadness and rage inside me. I have to release it.

      Thank you again.

      Claudia

  5. I am so sorry, Claudia, and I hope you recover your peace of mind soon; I hate this story.

  6. Bill says:

    I really wish I could help — I’m sure we all do. Have you tried leaving a light on in the next room — maybe cracking the bedroom door open just enough for reassurance? Or maybe leaving the TV on? Just something to make you feel a little more secure by making your place seem a little more inhabited.

    Take care.

    • artmodel says:

      Bill,

      Yes, I have a whole process that I go through with doors, lights, etc. I go through it when I leave the house, and again when I go to bed. It’s all rather time consuming. But like I commented to Grier above, the alarm system has arrived. So once that’s set up I should feel a lot better.

      Thanks very much for your warmth and concern. Everyone on Museworthy has been incredibly kind ๐Ÿ™‚

      Claudia

  7. Jennifer says:

    Joining everyone on Museworthy in saying that we’re thinking of you at this horrible and miserable time – and yet, despite it all, you still come up with a brilliantly appropriate image for the blog. What a professional! Hopefully the installation of an alarm will bring some sense of security back to the flat and your life. It was certainly the last thing you needed ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    Big hugs xx

    • artmodel says:

      Jennifer,

      Huge thanks. I’ve accepted that it will take some time. I feel perfectly ok in the house during the day. It’s at night when the fears come.

      I agree that the Hopper painting works very well with this post! And I especially liked that the figure is nude, not clothed.Thank you again ๐Ÿ™‚

      Claudia

  8. Peter howard says:

    Hi Claudia, I wish I could help but I can’t. But, one day, you won’t feel like this. Pete x

    • artmodel says:

      Peter,

      Thank you. I hate to make everyone feel worried! But it’s comforting to engage with all of you here on the blog. You guys are the best ๐Ÿ™‚

      Claudia

  9. fredh1 says:

    I’ve had my home broken into before, and I know, the worst part of it is the post-traumatic stress disorder, the paranoia and feeling of violation. One place I lived back in the early 80’s I felt so unsafe I used to carry a pistol, letting my dangerous neighbors see it – and I am really not the gun-toting type. Nothing heals that kind of violation but time. But know that it is very unlikely you’ll be hit again soon.

    That Hopper painting is one I didn’t know, and it’s magnificent. What an odd composition – and powerful!

    • artmodel says:

      Fred,

      I appreciate hearing other peoples’ experiences with home break-ins. I’ve learned over these past few weeks how disturbingly common it is. It’s been quite an education. And all share the common thread of feelings of violation and paranoia, so I’m relieved that my emotional responses are not abnormal.

      I love the the Hopper painting too. He was great in so many ways.

      Thanks for your comments!

      Claudia

  10. Peta Kylie Tewey says:

    G’day mate

    I don’t know what to say but I am still praying for you and I hope your spirits and mind and body will heal from what has happened for you just as I am praying for my dad’s health.

    Anyway my sympathy goes to you and be strong and it does not have to destroy you and it can make you fight back from old demons and it does not have to let you down. It can make you stronger in the long run.

    Gotta go luv you mate
    (kiss)

    Peta
    Brisbane, Australia

    • artmodel says:

      Peta,

      Amen to all that. I still have a lot of healing to do. Your supportive words are wonderful, thanks so much. I emailed your dad. Great to hear from you, always ๐Ÿ™‚

      Claudia

  11. Jim O'Neil says:

    As someone who owns a gun or two, oddly enough, I would not recommend that you purchase a shotgun, Claudia. Without proper training, etc., it would do little to protect or, in my opinion, even give you a sense of protection. However a cheap plastic spray bottle (the type that adjusts to shoot a stream 5 or 10 feet) that you can pick up at any household goods store, filled with ammonia might be both a comfort and, if necessary, an effective thug deterrent for you. I don’t know if bear spray is legal in NYC but I’m pretty sure they haven’t outlawed household ammonia.

    Take care…

    • artmodel says:

      Jim,

      You’re destroying my dream of owning a shotgun! What about a Beretta? Can I at least have a Beretta? Like this one: http://www.beretta.com/en-us/687-classic/

      All kidding aside, you’re right. I have no training and no clue how to handle firearms. Your spray bottle idea is good. My NYPD friend suggested mace. My burglar alarm is installed and up and running and I’m really happy with it so far.

      Thanks for your comments!

      Claudia

  12. Jim O'Neil says:

    None the less I think this might give you a bit of a laugh, Claudia: http://themetapicture.com/the-best-way-to-recognize-the-artists-of-paintings/

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