Ready . . . Set . . . Rant

I had to shut down comments on an old Museworthy post about male art models and a “problem” unique to them. All it was intended to be was an amusing little trifle of a post with a cute video for a chuckle. It took me a whopping five minutes to compose and that’s including the embed. But it has become a blog nemesis of my own creation, one that simply will not die! I swear to god I REGRET EVER HAVING PUBLISHED THAT DAMN POST!!!!!

To the men out there who are nude art models – or are just CLAIMING to be nude art models – who are Googling the terms “male model erections”, ” art class ejaculations”, “erect penis life drawing”, all of which appear daily in my search engine stats, STOP WRITING ME EMAILS ABOUT YOUR ERECTIONS!!! STOP DESCRIBING YOUR ERECTIONS TO ME IN GRAPHIC EXCRUCIATING DETAIL!!! STOP TRYING TO GET YOUR LENGTHY EXPLICIT ART CLASS ERECTION “STORIES” COMMENTED ON THAT POST!!! Like the Peter Finch character in the film “Network”, I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!!!!! So, AS OF RIGHT NOW, COMMENTS ARE CLOSED!!!!!!! Praise the lord!!!!

This . . is NOT . . A PORN SITE!! Is that understood????? My 73 year old mother reads this blog!! I love my mother. I don’t want her reading that shit!! NOBODY wants to read that shit!! The subject, stupid as it is, can easily be discussed in a tasteful, discreet, humorous, self-deprecating manner. But NOOOOOOOO!!! You perverts are getting off on the whole inane topic. So again, I DEMAND that you STOP WITH THE ERECTION STORIES!!!!!!!!! I’m not interested!! My inbox is being bombarded with that crap! My patience has run out! And now, after NINE MONTHS of email/comment moderation hell, I have finally . . . snapped! :shaves head . . . spray paints walls . . . puts on straightjacket . . . checks self into Bellevue Hospital . . . hums “Guantanamera” while sitting in pysch ward:

So to those of you who tried to enter a comment on that post and want to know why it never appeared, here’s why: I SPAMMED your sleazy asses! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! You’ve been devoured by Akismet where you belong.

Do you guys even LOOK at the rest of the blog??? DO YOU??? What makes you think this is a place where you can casually use the terms “cum” and “throbbing” and “man meat”, etc?? Huh?? What the hell is this, Penthouse Forum???? How disrespectful and conceited and presumptuous of you assholes to just ASSUME that your aroused state is even REMOTELY INTERESTING to total strangers – like me and my readers, for example! GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!! If you were real FINE ARTS MODELS with any class or self-respect, you wouldn’t talk like that. It’s disgusting and debases the whole profession you shitheads! Grow up, would you?

I write about so many things on this blog that are art-related and art modeling-related. I put a lot of love and effort into them. And yet THE ONLY “MEANINGFUL” THING YOU MORONS FIND TO COMMENT ABOUT IS YOUR ERECTIONS???? And for FIVE FUCKING PARAGRAPHS!!! Are you kidding me????? You’re art models, and getting an erection on the model stand IS YOUR PROUDEST MOMENT????? You have NOTHING else to discuss here or contribute?? How pathetic! It’s my belief that you dipshits aren’t serious, dedicated art models at all. You’re just EXHIBITIONIST TRASH!!!

So listen up and listen good, because I’m not gonna say this ever again: I DON’T CARE that you’re not circumcized, I DON’T CARE how your balls hang, I DON”T CARE how hard you get, I DON’T CARE that an attractive female artist was making eyes at you (suuuuure she was!) and I DON’T CARE that everyone “loves” to look at and “admires” your “impressive” genitalia (oh pleeeaaaase!!! In your imagination maybe. Keep dreaming, pal!)

Hey jackasses, I KNOW what an erection looks like, OK? And I know what it signifies. Duh! But gee, thanks ever so much for the info!! I really, really needed the education. :eyeroll:

I’m not exactly a prudish kind of girl. Far from it!! It takes an awful lot to offend me, especially in sex talk. But you guys have now succeeded in offending even me!! ME!! Congratulations! That’s quite an accomplishment! Hope you’re happy.

And by the way, just on a purely personal note, there are men I know whose erections, or potential erections, ARE of great interest to me. Others not so much. Like YOURS!!!! You lecherous, misogynistic, voyeuristic, degenerate, Internet trolls! Get a life!

Rant over . . . takes a deep breath 🙂

32 thoughts on “Ready . . . Set . . . Rant

  1. Jeff says:

    Holy wow! I must have missed that post. Sorry to hear you’re having troll problems 😦

    If it makes you feel any better, most of us (or at least me) come here for your wit, brain, and charm. The occasional Claudia picture is just gravy that we like and appreciate.

    I’ll offer a virtual platonic hug if it’ll help any. :-/

    • artmodel says:

      Jeff,

      Thank you, for both your kind words and the virtual hug. I’ll take “wit, brain, and charm”! That’s nice to hear 🙂

      Now that I’ve vented my disgust, I think Museworthy will be rant-free for awhile.

      Claudia

  2. Jeff says:

    which reminds me of something totally unrelated – I’m going to be in your neck of the woods at the end of the week. Haven’t been into the city in a while, so going in, gonna do the Met, not sure what else, but touristy stuff. I’m also going to sneak over to the Compleat Sculptor for a few hours one day.

    I wish I still lived near the City. Or in the Bay area. Or anyplace that had some culture.

  3. Rog says:

    Culture?

    Culture in Idaho is in the beer! You are correct, Jeff, I would understand more if I too lived in the culture rich land of Manhattan. However, for some, it is better we remain neophytes of culture.

    • Jeff says:

      Yeah, the boonies have advantages. I’m not sure I would actually live inside a big city again (unless I somehow became rich), but living close enough to drive in to someplace like NYC has some distinct advantages. Where I live, there’s one exactly life drawing session per week within a reasonable drive, and it’s hard for me to get there because of my schedule. In NYC, there’s are many every day of the week, just to give one example.

  4. Lin says:

    And now maybe you see one of the reasons I closed our blog. Imagine that sort of crap, day in-day-out for three very long years. In the end it kinda gets to you, you know?!

    Rich has a very fetching render of a troll if you’d one some time. Always useful for posting when the bloggie trolls misbehave 🙂

    • artmodel says:

      Lin,

      I can only imagine what you and Rich had to go through with your blog. Must have been so annoying after awhile.

      What amazes me is the point I raised toward the end of my rant – that I have a VERY high threshold of tolerance for things like that. It’s in my nature to let things slide and generally give people the benefit of the doubt. Nor do I have the sensibility of a Mormon when it comes to sex, nudity, etc. That’s pretty obvious from this blog! Goes without saying. But even I couldn’t take t anymore. Enough was enough!

      Thanks for commenting. Always great to hear from you, friend.

      Claudia

  5. dougrogers says:

    Men are such dickheads.

  6. PADoug says:

    Claudia,

    My suggestion is to just delete that part of the blog out. It was entertaining to be sure. But this isn’t Europe, where perverts are simply laughed out of existence or sent to an asylum.

    Just my thoughts… Take care, and keep the culture going! I love reading your material. Unfortunately, I never seem to have much to comment on that hasn’t already been spoken.

    In Kindess;

    Doug

    • artmodel says:

      PADoug,

      I thought of that. The problem is that even when you delete a post, it still shows up in search engines for some time afterwards. But I hate to delete a post anyway. Especially because of jerks.

      Nice to hear from you. I’ve been wondering where you’ve been!

      Claudia

      • PADoug says:

        Claudia,

        I’ve had my own “bad” experiences with artists lately. To the point where I am ready to quit modeling and turn the male modeling back over to the jerks. I’m not going to get into a rant here. Suffice to say that I admire (your) sense of business and artistic professionalism. Too bad artists and art schools don’t.

        My final two sessions were clothed, and I loved them. Not to sound conceited, but I look good in a sport-jacket or suit. Many themes from business to romance can be drawn (no pun intended) from such attire.

        Here’s the catch: If you call or write me, you have every reason to expect a reply within 24 hours. And I expect the same. Sure, things happen. We do get busy, but business is business, and an agreement is made about an assignment, I expect it to be honored…nevermind..there goes my rant.

        My apology. I am looking to take on full time work, and put art back in it’s place for me, as a simple (yet very complex) instrument of inspiration. Your blog keeps me going, keeps me artistically awed during the mindless rat race of job hunting and everyday living. Thank you for keeping your faith, and your beautiful humanity.

        In Kindness,

        Doug

  7. Ron says:

    So let me be sure I understand. You want to ERECT a wall that no one will be able to PRICK, to prevent a MEMBER of the audience from STANDING UP and COMING to tell you about himself. That might AROUSE some STIFF opposition among those who want to make ASSES of themselves. Don’t be too HARD on them. They are just showing some TESTICULAR fortitude.

  8. artmodel says:

    Ha ha, very funny you guys! I should have known I’d get no sympathy 😥

    Oh, and you’ll be happy to know that apparently I have now gone and offended my mother with the RANT! The whole purpose of which was to protect her from being offended by the jerks and their comments! Instead, she’s now repulsed by me and the rant, disgusted with my language, completely ignoring the reason I wrote it in the first place and missing the point entirely. Isn’t this great?????

    😈

    Claudia

  9. Amanda says:

    Well, your mother has a point. You rant that your blog is not a porn site, and then promptly reprint all the pornographic comments.

    • artmodel says:

      Amanda,

      Actually I did not “reprint all the pornographic comments”. You have no idea what was in those emails since you never saw them. They were about 20 times worse than what I wrote. It’s just that my mother’s “offensive” level is more delicate than most people’s.

      Claudia

  10. ColdSilverMoon says:

    Too bad the trolls ruined that post, Claudia – I’m sorry that you and your mother were offended. It’s a shame really, because that topic is a legitimate one and is worth discussing. Too bad there are many pervs out there who don’t get it.

    As a male model, I’ve modeled for hundreds if not thousands of classes now, which means that many more hours of actual modeling on the stand. In all that time I’ve gotten an erection at maybe 50 sessions at most, totaling maybe 30-45 minutes out of tens of thousands of minutes on the stand. In other words, the percentage of time I’ve had an erection on the stand is something like 0.02% – so 99.98% of the time I don’t have one. All that to say, it’s a same some male “art models” focus on that tiny, minute aspect of modeling when there are so many other wonderful aspects to it.

    About 10 years ago, a well-known model from Milwaukee, Pegi Taylor, wrote an article on erections on the modeling stand for Salon.com (http://archive.salon.com/sex/feature/2000/11/29/posing/print.html). Pegi is an excellent model with 20+ years of experience – sort of the midwestern version of you, Claudia. I’ve had the honor of meeting Pegi and consider her my friend. I’ve also done dual sessions with Pegi, and have had lengthy conversations with her about modeling. She told me that she got hundreds of e-mails about that article, including from exhibitionists groups who wanted her to start sexual modeling sessions, etc. The article is an excellent one, but I think she regrets writing it now because of the number of deviants who responded. Unfortunately, I think you experienced the same thing. It’s a shame some had to ruin an otherwise worthwhile post.

    Regardless, we know this is an excellent site, Claudia, and you are a model of the highest order of professionalism. As the saying goes: “Don’t let the bastards get you down…”

    • artmodel says:

      ColdSilverMoon,

      THANK YOU for saying those things! I’m so glad you made that point. I have a good friend who is a professional male model. Like you, he has had years of experience. About this issue, he said the exact same thing you just did: that the occurrences of male models getting erections on the model stand is so rare it’s barely a topic worth mentioning. It happened to him maybe twice in his whole career. Only an egomaniacal exhibitionist would react that way with such frequency in a setting that is generally serious, quiet, professional and educational.

      The link to Pegi’s article is broken. But based on your description, it sounds like she went through something very similar. I can totally relate! It’s amazing how these guys just emerge out of the woodwork, drawn like a magnet to such a dumb subject, and so eager to discuss it in length and detail.

      Appreciate your comments. Great to hear from you.

      Claudia

      • ColdSilverMoon says:

        The unfortunate thing is that this is a topic worth discussing. Though very rare, when I do have en erection on the modeling stand it is a very intense experience on a variety of levels (not just sexual). Again, it’s a shame such a topic brings out the pervs and ruins an otherwise perfectly legit issue in the art modeling world. Hopefully in the future you can have another discussion on this and somehow limit it to “useful” comments. Sorry again you’ve had to put up with so much nonsense…

  11. swatch says:

    I agree with all the comments about this being a great site to visit. I always find something heartening in your enriching comments on the artists, your earthy wit and blunt honesty and the beautiful way you portray and talk about the human figure. There is something very grounding about it all. It is a pity that there are people that would taint all that and I think your rant pours the necessary level of contempt on that quarter. Yuck man! Good post Claudia

    • artmodel says:

      Swatch,

      That was so beautifully put, oh my god, thank you! Not sure that I deserve such generous compliments but, as always, your words made me smile 🙂

      The “erection writers” never said any such things to me! But they’re in their own world.

      Humbled as I am, I really appreciate these comments. Thank you, friend.

      Claudia

  12. Gavin says:

    Sorry to drag this up again, but I would just like to confess I was one of those men that googled the term, being a bit worried about a life modelling job. Yours was one of the saner sites I found, thankyou;)

    • artmodel says:

      Gavin,

      Aw, that’s ok 🙂 You were doing it for a constructive reason in preparation for a job. I have no problem with that. By the way, feel free to update me, and all of us, on how things went. Good luck!

      Claudia

      • Gavin says:

        Hi Claudia,

        I’ve done it a couple of times now and it’s gone great. And my anxieties were unfounded. Let’s just say, it’s hard to ignore its presence in the room but one quickly starts concentrating on the more important stuff like holding the pose!

        Gav

        • artmodel says:

          Gavin,

          That’s awesome!! I love hearing that. Spoken like a true artist’s model which, clearly, you are 🙂 It’s a wonderful profession, and we need people like you.

          Thanks for sharing! I hope you share more experiences in the future.

          Claudia

          • Gavin says:

            Thanks Claudia. I’m fortunate in having a background in yoga and weight training and I’ve been drawing in life classes for years. So I knew what to do, although the last ten minutes of being clothed before my first class were a little nerve wracking!

            Also, I must add that although I found your site through Googling odd terms, I’ve stayed for the art and your writing;)

            Gav

  13. milan ondrak says:

    Absolutely right. I am a male life model and this erection situation has never happened to me. I think you were getting stories from perverts not life models. I get asked “what happens if you get an erection in a class?” so often and my reply is it doesn’t happen. Life modelling is a good well paid job and a respectable one. I read your previous article when I found it by accident while looking for art societies for more work. The part you wrote was fine but after reading the first perverts story I logged off, they completely missed the point. Spam as many of those disrespect prats as you like. You go girl.

    • artmodel says:

      milan,

      I really appreciate your comments. I hadn’t anticipated it, but this post unleashed a torrent of unpleasantness for me in the form of all those icky stories. It became out of control. I just had to block the rest and shut the comments down it got so bad. But your professional, respectful attitude is most welcome here.

      I’m glad you found this blog and I hope you continue to read and comment! Thanks again.

      Claudia

      • milan ondrak says:

        I will do. I’m quite busy as a life model here in Wiltshire uk right now. It does my head in when people put disrepute on my profession, most of the people who put stories on your blog had never done any life modelling, trust me on that one.

        • milan ondrak says:

          By the way I have a short film on you tube that some students made at Bournemouth university arts college. Its titled Milan Life model. In this film you will see a professional life, me, at work. You would be happy to know theres no lewd content, just me and a class of students working. Take a look if you like. It will warm your soul to see decent people work in this profession too.

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