Weathering the Storm

Grrr . . . grrr . . . grrr . . . blah, blah, blah . . . dammit . . . dammit. Sad -> angry -> worried -> sad again . . . sad, sad, sad . . . pissed off . . . seething -> crying -> pacing -> petting cats . . . awwww πŸ™‚ Animal therapy.

That person. That toxic, heinous person, and her rude, dishonest, bungling, inept, insensitive behavior . . . insults me. Screeches at me. Talks down to me. Has the audacity to slander my professionalism . . . my ART MODELING . . . the thing I love . . . the thing for which I have the greatest passion, the very thing that inspired me to start a BLOG for heaven’s sake! That person . . . that . . . insert the dreaded “C” word -> my mother will get mad if I type it. (The “person” has a website too by the way. It’s about shoes. Yes . . . shoes. :listens while everybody laughs:)

I had eight months. EIGHT EXCELLENT MONTHS with no sign of “the beast”. I’ve been immensely proud of these eight months. I battle it on my own, with nothing but supplements, diet, meditation, and the unconditional love of family and friends. And now the actions of this horrible person have triggered anxiety in my head. For those of us who suffer from the beast, any measure of anxiety -especially a hard-hitting one like this – is a very, very precarious matter. Not funny. Let’s just say I’m having a crummy day. If I allow this to slip into an “episode”, then I am in deep shit. And my triumphant eight month record will be ruined. My goal was to stretch it into a full year.

But the beast is only lurking for now, and I’m doing everything in my power to keep him at bay. Went for a drive earlier which was nice. Home now, on the computer (obviously!). Tinkering around on my Delicious page sorting through my bookmarks. Going to log off soon, light some candles, put on a Ravi Shankar CD, and ease into some meditative yoga. I have a couple of dear friends on my mind – people I love – whose faces, voices, and precious spirits are keeping me company, unbeknownst to them πŸ™‚

Art for this occasion? Of course. And I don’t think I have to spell out the symbolism. It’s pretty self-explanatory. By Pablo Picasso, this is Blue Nude from 1902:

pablopicasso-blue-nude-1902

12 thoughts on “Weathering the Storm

  1. Rog says:

    Claudia,

    Come now… don’t let Imelda Marcos get the beast of you. Watch the DVD for Dark Knight… and laugh a little.

    …rog

    • artmodel says:

      Rog,

      That “Imelda Marcos” thing has me cracking up hysterically!!!!!!! πŸ˜† You rock, my friend.

      For this person, also throw in a little Eva Peron and we’ve got it all covered.

      I don’t need a DVD or anything else to make me laugh now. You’ve already done it. Thanks!

      Claudia

  2. lkwinter says:

    I had to follow your trail of links to figure out what the beast was, then I learned, and it was in that moment that I wished I was nearby to come and embrace you in a big and gigantic bear hug. The beast and I, we tangle, (but we fight back don’t we), explains the bulk of my silly posting, but really I’m just trying to keep that monster at bay.

    lots of love you to, goodness knows you deserve it,
    scott

    • artmodel says:

      lkwinter,

      I wish I could have that hug . . . more than you know. From you it would be especially comforting.

      I know about your tanglings with the beast. He’s a scumbag, and deserves all our aggression and self-defense mechanisms. Both you and I have the ability to defeat him, thanks to sheer will and a determination to live happy, productive lives. Keep holding him at bay . . . we’re doing it together πŸ™‚

      Nothing “silly” about your postings, ever.

      Thanks for your love and good wishes, Scott.

      Claudia

  3. swatch says:

    Just dropping by to see how you are doing.
    So you know this darkness.
    take care – take great care of yourself –
    At least you have identified your beast and know to take care.

    And you are able to give us a gift
    This is most encouraging
    Thank you for another beautiful painting

    • artmodel says:

      Swatch,

      YOU are encouraging, like all my wonderful readers. The warmest, sweetest, most intelligent, compassionate, and thoughtful group of people anywhere to be found πŸ™‚

      Your comments have given me solace. Beautiful . . . thank you, friend.

      Claudia

  4. dougrogers says:

    Claudia… sorry I wasn’t around earlier to help take off some of that edge. Your post to me was very helpful actually about the loss of that client. I want to send that support back to you too. We can only wait and see. Hugs.

    • artmodel says:

      Doug,

      No apology necessary. Although I did miss your presence and your unique voice on Museworthy, you’re here now, that’s all that matters πŸ™‚

      I’m glad my post to you was helpful. I wish I could do so much more. But like you said, we’ll wait and see, and weather the storm together.

      Thanks for your support, sweetie. :Hugs back:

      Claudia

  5. PADoug says:

    Wouldn’t it be funny if the Beast got sick all over Imelda’s shoes? Maybe she’d learn to go barefoot and walk carefully…
    (Opps!..Yea I know, it’s bad..but I realy DID want to say that!)
    Keep you chin up hon. nude and smiling. People will either think you are crazy, or so strong as to fear you. (In our case, we know better. We love you!)

    0:-) Doug

    • artmodel says:

      PADoug,

      I am keeping my chin up, and was nude today too. See how dutifully I follow your instructions? πŸ˜‰

      I certainly hope no one thinks I’m crazy. But I know for sure that no one would ever fear me. Fear ME? Not a chance. Pretty laughable. I couldn’t instill fear if I tried! And I don’t try anyway. Love is more my thing πŸ™‚

      Thanks for your comments!

      Claudia

  6. Jennifer says:

    Dear Claudia

    I must have come across your blog some time ago when surfing for life drawing info and I bookmarked it, in order to return for a proper look, as it’s a pretty amazing blog and resource. I’m a keen amateur life drawer in the UK, so it’s fascinating to read about the experiences of the model. I was most sorry, though, when I chanced upon the link again today, to read about your current situation with the evil shoe woman – I work as a freelancer myself and know only too well how precarious the work can be and how one is dependent upon clients and their whims. You have certainly been treated appallingly and I hope that in a city as large as NY you will be able to find replacement work. I’ve not yet had chance to read all of your blog and its great array of photos, info and links (the Internet can be far too tempting when you work ‘home alone’!), but am looking forward to doing so as time permits. I hope you won’t mind a stranger reading your blog, but it’s just to say that I wish you well and hope your career will soon be back on track.

    Jennifer

    • artmodel says:

      Jennifer,

      First of all, a very warm welcome to Museworthy!! I’m glad to have been dwelling in your bookmarks, and even more glad that you decided to post a comment. Thank you! πŸ™‚

      As a fellow freelancer, you’re certainly aware of the erratic nature of our business. Yes it has advantages, but equal parts disadvantages. Unfortunately, these upheavals can occur, and with no union or organization we just have to weather these storms.

      I appreciate your support, and it looks like things are looking up – slowly but surely. Like you said, there is work to be found in a big city like New York. You just have to get out there and hustle for it, which is what I’ve been doing. Seeing some results already.

      By all means peruse some of Museworthy’s archived posts. I’d be honored if you do. And again, thank you so much for your lovely comments. I have many readers in the UK, and I’m happy to count you among them!

      Claudia

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