A Glass of Serotonin
Wouldn’t that be great if we could just drink it out of a glass, like lemonade? I envision an alternative new world in the treatment of mood disorders: little “neurotransmitter cafes” on every corner (instead of Starbucks!). They’d have rainbows painted on the walls, pictures of cute, cuddly kittens and puppies, vases overflowing with fragrant flowers, and a tonic menu from which you could place a personalized order: “I’ll take two ounces of serotonin please, with a dopamine chaser.” Then we’d pay our tab and walk out the door with our brain chemistries perfectly balanced, feeling happy, stable, and anxiety-free. NOT drugged.
Over the last five years, I have held in my hand two different prescriptions for antidepressants. Both got thrown in the garbage. My reasons for that break down into equal thirds of the following: spite, lofty principle, and vanity. The first is just an immature act of defiance, a rebellious reaction to all the people who have dismissively told me to “get on meds” just to shut me up. The second relates to ethical issues I have with the pharmaceutical industry (No, I’m not a Scientologist). The third has to do with fears I have of certain side effects, specifically weight gain and loss of sex drive (No thank you to both).
Let me be clear that I am no way asserting that my approach is the correct one. The truth is I have doubts all the time, and I feel nothing but respect and empathy for those who take whatever they need to feel better and stop the pain. Everyone’s condition is different, and depression exists in varying degrees of severity. So to my fellow sufferers I say, do what’s right for you.
However, my recent ten month stretch of all-natural, depression-free living shouldn’t be discounted either. I was doing something right. Then an external life trigger came along. I became vulnerable, took my eye off the ball, and the beast saw his opening. He pounced on me like a predator on its prey.
Now I just have to get back in the groove and reconstitute my formula. Supplements, yoga, meditation, blasting music on my stereo, planting flowers in my garden, watching my cats swat playfully at bumblebees, blogging, writing, bike riding, walking, poking around in the attic, taking pictures, and art modeling of course 
I search for positive stimuli anywhere I can find it. Anything to push the beast down, even if it’s just temporary. Mere distractions? Perhaps. Does my strategy always work? I wish! But I’ll take it over the alternative, which is not getting out of bed, staying under the covers curled up in the fetal position, crying, crying, and more crying. Staring out windows. Crouching in corners. Hopelessness. Despair. Apathy. Looking out at your life and seeing something that resembles a blighted, desolate, bombed-out battlefield. Think Dresden, 1945. Not good times.
But laughter is a splendid stimuli – the best, because it increases serotonin levels in the brain. I love to laugh as most of you probably know, and not even the beast will silence my laughter. I could use a laugh right now, and British comedy works brilliantly for me. Some of the hardest laughing I ever experienced was while watching the HBO series “Extras”. I miss that show! This clip is only 1:15, but that’s still one full minute out of the beast’s clutches. Here’s Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant in the famous “timezone argument” scene: “In the MORNING!!!!”
Lin said,
May 26, 2009 at 7:57 am
I’m sure you’re already extremely well read regarding diet and nutritional supplementation for depression, but if you fancy reading yet another work-up on the supplement issue, then I recommend the article at http://tinyurl.com/przjsf
SAMe in particular is supposed to be very effective.
Good luck and many hugs to you
Lin
artmodel said,
May 26, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Lin,
That is an excellent article, thank you for the link. Yes, I do take SAMe. I have for a couple of years in fact. Interesting thing about you mentioning SAMe. I took that and St. John’s Wort daily. A couple of months ago, since I was feeling so good, I decided to stop taking the SAMe. I figured why take more than I need? Then this recent depressive episode happened after I stopped the SAMe. Now this isn’t exactly scientific data, but it’s quite a coincidence, don’t you think? I should have left well enough alone and not tampered with my regimen, which was obviously working. Like I said in my post, I “took my eye off the ball”.
It’s great to hear from you, Lin. I really appreciate your comments, your supprt, and your compassion.
Many thanks, friend :hugs back:
Claudia
dougrogers said,
May 26, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Yes, when i wake up enough to realize where i’ve been, diet and sunlight are easy fixes. But something that has helped also is a meditation practice. It helps illuminate the pieces of the process.
artmodel said,
May 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm
doug,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. You are so right about meditation. I’ve been doing it for many years. What’s ironic is that I’ve found meditation most difficult to do during a depressive episode, which is exactly when I need it the most! Depression seriously affects one’s ability to focus and concentrate, and my meditation becomes a challenge. But it doesn’t deter me. Nothing will.
Claudia
swatch said,
May 27, 2009 at 1:48 am
Hey Claudia – thanks for this clear view of your approach. And thanks Lin for the article which on first glance seems to have all the necessary info. I have been managing my own situation in a rather haphazard way but getting most of the right things in place. But there are those deep holes where all the energy drains away. I have been having a Vitamin B shot (nirobium or something) which immediately picks me up but that isn’t really managing is it? So I have started a more considered, reflective, supplemented approach. A cup of tea with you guys now and again is really good – thanks Doug. (o:
Cheers hey Stephen
artmodel said,
May 27, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Swatch,
Thank you for sharing your own experiences. Your comments further reinforce the idea that everyone is an individual and therefore designs an individual approach that works for them, often through trial and error..
I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the “deep holes”. That’s the insidious part, the part that can potentially inhibit one’s ability to function. My main priority is to FUNCTION on a day-to-day basis. I’ve experienced non-functioning due to depression, and it’s very bad.
I’m glad that a cup of tea with the Museworthy gang helps even a little! Pull up a chair, kick off your shoes, and settle in. You have friends here
Thanks for commenting.
Claudia
Kim Shannon said,
May 28, 2009 at 11:03 pm
seratonin by the glassful… ahhhhh it’s good to dream.
artmodel said,
May 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Kim,
Ahhhhh, indeed! We can keep dreaming . . .
Thanks for commenting.
Claudia