Disappointed and Drunk
You know when you’re out at a social event, drinking moderately, behaving normally, not slurring your words or acting like an annoying jerk, and then you get HOME and realize you’re freaking blasted? You turn the key in the door, enter the house, take off your jacket and then all of a sudden you just stumble into the next room and bump your head on something? Well, that’s the state I’m in right now. I’m really in no condition to put up a blog post, but I wanted to tell you all something.
After today, I’d say the “crush” is finito. Done. He ignored me all night tonight, which sent the signal loud and clear that he has no interest whatsoever. In three hours of socializing, he spoke to everyone except me. When I first saw him I gave him a nice, warm hello. Guess what I got in response. A mumbled “Hey”, and then he brushed on past me. Ugh. Not good. After that, I was invisible. And of course, every other person at the event greeted me and talked to me and was very happy to see me. Just not him. Painful. We just had a lovely conversation last week! What happened between then and now? I’m perplexed. But I can take a hint.
It’s a shame because I was really looking forward to seeing him tonight. I had a great story to tell him, and I don’t mean for flirting reasons. I mean a genuinely good story that he would have liked, laughed at, and appreciated. It’s too long to explain but trust me, it’s a good story.
And to make things even more exasperating, about eight or nine people told me how terrific I looked! Can you believe this??? I was dressed up a bit for this reception and I guess it showed – to everyone except the crush. Unbelievable. I feel like shit.
If I were sober I could assess the situation better, provide more details, etc. There’s a lot more to say. But right now I’m too drunk, disappointed, lonely, frustrated, and yearning for companionship. Any kind of companionship would do at this point. Some intimacy and affection would be really, really nice. But after tonight, the crush is clearly not interested in helping me out in any of those areas. And how very willing I was to reciprocate 
Oh well.
It’s late and I’m bored, and I have to work in the morning. With a hangover no doubt. Wanna listen to some music? I’m going to upload an mp3. Why the hell not? Let’s see if I can do this, while my computer screen spins before my eyes in a red wine-induced haze:
Here’s Loving Cup by the Rolling Stones:
Josefin said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:00 am
***Dear Claudia***
I am just here in your blog
wrapping a warm cosy blanket around your schoulders
telling you what you do not know
Have you ever experienced the rooster among the pullets : ) ?????
He just wanted to impress on you : ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Young boys are just babies , shaky kids : ) belive me
and I am sure , he was scared to death to even meet your eyes : )
Just act as usual Claudia , You are the Princess !
Best , from Josefin
Robert Mileham said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:28 am
Happiness will come your way Claudia, we all wish it for you so it’s going to happen, big sea as they say! I’ll put some pretty pictures up for later today
dougrogers said,
November 8, 2008 at 11:44 am
Oh, we’re there for you Claudia.
dougrogers said,
November 8, 2008 at 11:46 am
http://images.google.com/images?client=safari&rls=en-us&q=roy+lichtenstein&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi&oi=property_suggestions&resnum=0&ct=property-revision&cd=1
artmodel said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Josefin,
You are so sweet. Thanks! That cozy blanket feels good
Yeah, he’s young. That could be part of the problem. Your advice and your opinion were both helpful and comforting. I appreciate it.
Claudia
artmodel said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Robert,
Thanks to you too! You are also so sweet. I hope the sea is as big as they say because it’s been feeling smaller and shallower lately! I might need some scuba gear
Claudia
artmodel said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Dougrogers,
Thanks to you too, honey, both for your kind support and the link
Claudia
Ray said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Sorry C
I was gonna leave this one alone after my last e mail about it. But your in pain . And My empathy goes out to you.
May be you came on to strong?
may be he don’t like women?
may be hes got someone already?
may be he does not want anthing getting in the way of hi carrier?
He might not be able to deal with his own feelings?
You may never know. Who the hell knows whats going on up in his head. you were pretty clear.
Surround yourself with the ones who sincerely love and care about you. And try to move on.
Guess who I met at Spring Studio today?I wasnt going to say anything but………..
artmodel said,
November 8, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Ray,
Oh no, I definitely did not come on too strong! I didn’t even speak to him after he grunted “hey” to me. So that’s one thing I can never be accused of. I’m not aggressive with men at all, even with a few glasses of wine in me. So cross that one off the list.
Yes he does like women and no he’s not in a relationship. Those things I know. As to the other things you mentioned, I have no idea. I wouldn’t presume to know what’s going on in his head.
Thanks, though, for your concern. I appreciate it.
Who did you meet at Spring Studios and why is it so mysterious? I’m lost!
Claudia
lkwinter said,
November 8, 2008 at 10:50 pm
You have such a warm spirit, you deserve someone who is really going take you out of this world friend, You are so vivid and full of life I’m jealous,
but seriously, thank you for the congrats and wishes; it was like walking from out of the darkness and into the light. I never forget those who think of me on such events, so I’m thanking you for thinking of me too..
Brian said,
November 11, 2008 at 2:48 pm
If I were only single…
artmodel said,
November 11, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Brian, if only . . .