The Return of The Beast
Hi dear friends. Hope you’re all well, or at least better than I am. No need for alarm, I assure you. Just depression come back to bedevil me and hover above like a storm cloud. Really sucks. Although I did manage to get through work today at the National Academy, I don’t feel inspired or motivated to do anything else. And tomorrow is Sunday, which means I’ll have to occupy myself with non-art modeling activities. Unfortunately, during a depressive episode, that usually means staring off into space while curled up on the couch, aimless plodding around the house, and sporadic crying. And of course, I’m all out of St. John’s Wort. Isn’t that just perfect?
So I’m just tapping away on my laptop, posting on my blog to say hi, and make the simple announcement that the muse is sad 
Some of my newer readers might be unaware that I’ve posted about this subject before. Of course I prefer not to, since I assume that such a gloomy topic isn’t the reason most people visit Museworthy. But I am always honest and candid here. Plus, I can at least integrate the condition with Museworthy’s art theme, and list some very recognizable names; famous artists who suffered from depression. Makes me feel like I’m in pretty good company:
Georgia O’Keefe, Mark Rothko, Edvard Munch, Paul Gauguin, Michelangelo, Jackson Pollock, Claude Monet, Thomas Eakins, Vincent Van Gogh, Arshile Gorky, Norman Rockwell, Edward Hopper, George Romney, Theodore Gericault, and Dante Gabrel Rossetti.
Now we just need a separate list for art models!
I’m sorry everyone. I don’t mean to be a drag. I’ll feel better soon, I promise. Give me 48 hours to wrestle with this ogre and I’ll be back to normal – hopefully.
Thanks for reading.
Love,
Claudia
xoxo
Josefin said,
July 13, 2008 at 2:48 am
**** Claudia ****
Sending you warm wishes for recovering
and know
** Always make something beautiful of everything that breaks apart **
Sincerely Josefin
dougrogers said,
July 13, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Been there… been there… been there….
Must be the weather, the season, the sunspots. February is really bad for me.
artmodel said,
July 13, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Josefin,
Thanks ever so much for your compassionate words. They uplifted me, and I need all the uplift I can get!
You’re very kind, and I appreciate it.
Claudia
artmodel said,
July 13, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Doug,
I’m so glad you commented and relate to this. Yeah, there are many triggers.
For me, the “arrival” is never gradual. It’s always like the flicking of a switch. Sudden. I open my eyes in the morning and I think, “Oh fuck me, it’s here!”. The beast. I hate him.
But I’m playing on my blog, which is definitely better than a fetal position stupor. And thanks to my dear blog friends like you, I’m hanging in.
Thanks Doug
Claudia
Robert Mileham said,
July 14, 2008 at 8:58 am
I am very sorry to hear this Claudia but hope you will recover soon.
If it helps we have lots of St John’s wort in the field, I will post a picture of it on my blog for you, though I am not sure of its significance.
I am not sure if Stephen Fry’s article here will help or not. The whole thing is terrifying.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2006/jul/21/mentalhealth.broadcasting
We were discussing yesterday the sad state of an acquaintance who is paralysed from the neck down and has to be fed by his girlfriend. It was caused by a car accident and she has stuck to him. They always look cheerful but it must be hell on earth. It reminded me of a song by Guthery about the ‘last guy’, the one who has less than nothing.
I do not envy you your beast Claudia and am thinking of you.
Sheramy said,
July 14, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Sending all good wishes (and some Florida sunshine) your way….
artmodel said,
July 14, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Robert,
Thank you for your kind wishes. The field full of St. John’s Wort is just what I need! It’s significance, by the way, is its supposed therapeutic use for mild to moderate depression. It’s an herbal option for those of us who stubbornly refuse to take pharmaceuticals.
Thanks for the article link, but most of all, thanks for your concern
Claudia
artmodel said,
July 14, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Sheramy,
Thanks to you as well! You are one of my two Florida “angels”. My friend Stephanie – she of the beautiful triplets – is also sending me light from the Sunshine State. I’m lucky to have you both.
I appreciate it, Sheramy. Thanks again.
Claudia