museworthy

“A professional model is like a stuffed owl. These girls [in the brothel] are alive!”
- Henri de Toulouse Lautrec

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????????????? Say again?????!!!!!!!!! A stuffed what?? Henri! What’s with the dis???? That’s really messed up. Nobody disparages my profession. Not on my watch, pal. You want to play that game? Then bring it . . . BRING IT!!!!!!!

I feel an epic conniption coming on . . . . Toulouse-Lautrec, you . . . you . . . bastard! I’m flipping out!! ::shaves head in a state of madness:: “Hahahahahaha!!!!!” ::breaks into Met Museum at 3AM with can of spray paint:: “Teehee!!!”  ::defaces all Lautrecs with wild abandon:: sssssssss “HAHAHAHAHA!!” ::shakes can. defaces more:: sssssss ::cackles like Margaret Hamilton in The WIzard of OZ:: “weeee!!!!” ::sprays Madame X just for the hell of it:: “I’m on a sick rampage! Watch out!”  ::gathers all DVDs of Can-Can and Moulin Rouge. Puts into a pile. Crushes with bulldozer:: “HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MUWAAAAHHH!!!” ::storms into snooty French restaurant on upper East Side. Demolishes pastry cart. Stomps on eclairs:: “YEEEEEEHAH!!” ::Cackles loudly in front of patrons:: “Toulouse-Lautrec SUCKS!!!!!” ::patrons fear for their lives:: “I’m not finished!!” ::enters kitchen. Punches chef in nose:: “Au Revoir, jerk-off!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” ::steals bottle of pinot noir. guzzles it down in one long gulp:: “I’ve lost it!! I’m batshit! STUFFED OWL!!!!” ::douses self with gasoline. Lights a match::

Ok . . . . OK . . . . So maybe I took it a little too personally. But I’m still pretty pissed. I am NO stuffed owl. That doesn’t describe what I do at all!! Stuffed owl??!! Ugh! Aaaaargh! I hate that! I’m not “alive” because I’m not a prostitute? Grrrrr! Henri, as everyone knows, had deformed legs and suffered from a genetic condition. He was also a severe alcoholic. Yes, ok, I feel bad and have genuine compassionate for his troubled life. He sought- and received – acceptance, intimacy, and support from those ladies. They were, admittedly, his muses. And that’s quite all right.

Since I am such a fair-minded person and always take the high road (stop laughing), I will still honor Toulouse-Lautrec on Museworthy because he does deserve the recognition and should make an appearance here (dammit). And I’ll do it sans hostility.

Here’s his idiot painting, called idiot Two Half-Naked Women  from the idiot year 1894 done in idiot oil on idiot cardboard. See? No hostility So this is Lautrec and his two sluts (not professional models, remember? Heaven forbid!)